Margie Hord

Expat by Default

Just Scatterbrained, or Do I Have ADD?

“If my head weren’t attached, I’d lose it!” Have you ever said that?

For much of my life, I have been known to be forgetful or absent-minded. Then there’s that funny word “scatterbrained”, defined as “disorganized and lacking in concentration”. Bingo!

More recently, as I’ve talked to other family members of different ages, they’ve said they suspect they have something like ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Years ago, most of us didn’t know about that terminology.

Scatterbrained over the Years

Misplacing things was a given. Fortunately, my Mum was “a good looker” (as she liked to say) and my husband too, sometimes finding things where I swore I’d already looked.

Over the years, I’m sure I’ve “lost” dozens of sweaters, Mexican “rebozos” (shawls), and umbrellas, often on public transportation. Once I lost a good new coat in an airport bathroom! In a taxi, I left a hymnbook. On a bus, I left school papers and grades, put up signs on several buses and finally got my bag back from someone who, of course, wanted an award. Absent-minded professor indeed!

One of the most memorable situations related to my carelessness was the time I left a passport on a Greyhound bus in the US. That meant I had to stay there longer than planned, and missed a semester of school in Mexico! Even so, there were blessings in that unexpected “extra time”, things that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.

Much later in my life, modern technology brought those amazing but all-too-small memory sticks. It’s so easy to forget them somewhere (despite their name), and often I did in classroom computers, internet cafés, and so on. Sometimes I was able to recuperate them, relieved that important information wasn’t lost.

As I reached my 40’s, I began to use reading glasses. In recent years, I was fortunate that my husband was often at home and could bring my glasses to school when I forgot them. Embarrassing, but he patiently took them quite a few times. Once I had to go to a nearby store to buy some new ones.

Another challenge is organization. Making to-do lists is one way I try to keep track of things. My family gets a laugh out of my little lists and post-its all over the place. Of course, I end up having too many, and not finding the one I need when I need it.

Scatterbrained as a Traveler

My mom, and later even my daughter, would remind me upon taking a trip: “Always check how many pieces of luggage you have with you, and count them whenever you move from one place to another”.

On a trip this month, I didn’t have all that much luggage, but I forgot to take that advice into account. In a major airport, after unloading everything onto the security conveyor belt (having left one piece at the bag drop already), I started to take things out of their trays on the other side.

Laptop in backpack, check. Watch on wrist, check. Purse in hand, check.

Then off I went, for what was easily a kilometer walk to my departure gate.

After a short wait, it was time to board the plane. Great, very few passengers, so it was quick.

Upon finding my seat number, I reached for my belongings and realized I had my backpack but not my carry-on suitcase! Too late to go back, but I was given the lost-and-found e-mail to ask about it and “pick it up on my return”. Sorry, I wasn’t planning to return anytime soon!

Fortunately, that happened in Canada; in some countries, that loss might have been permanent. However, it’s going to cost a pretty penny to get that bag back, with special fragile heirlooms included.

Scatterbrained or ADD?

For me, it would seem that extreme absent-mindedness can be related to an attention deficit. Now, as I wonder whether I have some degree of ADD or ADHD, I thought it would be worthwhile doing a little research. This page talks about some symptoms that adults may recognize in themselves.

Anyway, I decided to try a checklist to do a little self-analysis:

Considered lazy or stupid as a child. No
Poor organizational skills, lots of clutter Yes
Tendency to procrastinate For sure!
Trouble starting/ finishing projects Who read my mind?
Chronic lateness No
Frequently forgetting appointments, etc. So-so
Constantly misplacing things YES!
Frequently interrupt others Some
Poor self-control No
Easily flustered and stressed-out So-so (Hubby would say YES)
Low self-esteem and sense of insecurity So-so
Hypersensitivity to criticism Yes (afraid to read student evaluations)
Trouble sitting still, constant fidgeting No
Impulsive, overly talkative No

 

Okay, there are more characteristics listed online, mostly ones where I’d say “no”. Basically, I wouldn’t say I’m hyperactive (which isn’t always part of ADD), and compared to some people I know, I’m not as bad at procrastinating, or forgetting commitments. But as for misplacing or forgetting things, I could almost get a Guiness record! Perhaps I have a partial attention deficit.

So… unless I see a specialist (which I don’t plan to), the jury is out. What about you? If you identify quite a few of these characteristics, and especially if they are affecting your studies, work or relationships, do consider getting help!

Blind Curve: Expect the Unexpected

“Blind curve ahead, trail users exercise extreme caution”, says the sign. True, there are bushes in the way and you can’t see what might hit you if you don’t stay on the right side. Joggers don’t want to smash into speeding bikes, or vice versa! There might be other joggers, skateboarders, or even a coyote or bobcat… The asphalt trail is also open to maintenance vehicles, which would be more dangerous indeed. Caution is a must.

I’d never seen such warnings on a trail before, but I had run into them on highways plenty of times. All the same, it’s pretty obvious you shouldn’t switch lanes on a two-lane road when you can’t see whether traffic is coming in the opposite direction!

In the case of the road or path, a blind curve is a warning sign in itself, telling us to prepare to avoid an undesirable accident.

A curve in an asphalt road in the mountains

But what about those blind curves in life? Don’t you wish there were warning signs? A lot of times it doesn’t happen. Bam! You run right into things like “It’s cancer”, or “He up and died”, or “She left me”. Just in case, should we always “stay in the right lane”? It helps, but doesn’t guarantee zero accidents. Continue reading

Spring at Last

Winter’s snows are but a memory now,

yet their abundance fills

rushing rivers and springs,

their white foaming down waterfalls.

The first bright dandelions dot dirt roads,

and their cousins, the more daring daffodils

show off their frills

in gardens, on hills.

Bold birches bare their stark white bark

against blue skies flecked with clouds.

The wind whispers in the tall pines

and brings the occasional

whiff of spruce.

Hillsides are still

a mixture of dark ever-green

and light browns,

with pale spring greens

and dusky pinks

barely a promise

in almost-budding tree tips.

The new warmth hints of summer,

but winter seems to have been

only yesterday.

 

(Vermont, May 2018)

Reflecting on How to Answer When Told “You’re a Strong Person”

When my husband passed away after 36 years of marriage, several friends encouraged me with the words “You’re a strong woman!” In other words: “You can handle this.” Much as I was thankful for their trust in me, more than once I answered: “I’m weak, but I have a strong God!”

Strength Doesn’t Appear by Magic

When friends face tragedies, a common response is to console them by exhorting them, “Be be strong; have faith.” But strength and faith aren’t resources we can drum up as if by magic. They aren’t innate in us; the truth is that they grow in the middle of challenging experiences. In the long run, I’ve found, my true strength is God-given.  Continue reading

From Mourning to the Morning Light

“O death, where is thy victory? O death, where is thy sting?” These words came to mind as the sun and wind caressed me there in the cemetery. Not in traditional mourning garb, I wore a long, loose white native “huipil” with small colored designs woven into it, one my husband had loved. The workers had begun the long process of filling the grave, as off and on friends sang beloved hymns and choruses of hope.

Just one day after my life companion took off on a new journey, I was overwhelmed by the loss, but at the same time upheld by those “everlasting arms”, sensing the freedom that Refugio’s soul now enjoyed.

It was the rainy season, and in the afternoons a downpour was almost inevitable, but my heavenly Father cared enough to make that day different and the sun shone gloriously.

Divine “coincidences”

There had been innumerable “divine coincidences” that had come together to cushion the blow. Knowing that my husband’s health was fragile with a chronic disease, I had asked if he thought I could visit my aging mother, for those last years can be so unpredictable. He felt he could get by without me, so the long-distance tickets were bought… and not long afterwards my Mum passed away! The memorial service was set for a few weeks later, when I had already planned to be there.

Two weeks after my return, our daughter and family arrived from afar, by surprise. Their presence was so special and perfectly-timed. “Pa” decided to leave us the day before their departure was programmed, just a month after my arrival. Well, our heavenly Father had his hand in it, of course, and they changed their tickets to be with me for the funeral.

These incidences and more have helped to bring rainbows to my life as the sun– and the Son– shine through the tears.

Person waering neutral colors walking through a field of wheat

Only Smiles?

This week I shared a Scottish poem someone had posted in social media about losing a loved one but instead of crying, smiling with the memories of their life. It seemed appropriate. Then a friend commented, “Doesn’t the author accept the reality of grief?”

He’s right. Denying the reality of sorrow, in fact, the need for grieving, is hurtful in the long run. It may mean pushing down those feelings that are natural, real, profound. Releasing those emotions in the form of tears is part of the healing process.

Even so, the glimpses of light filtering through the darkness are more frequent, I believe, when you can cling to the Easter message of resurrection. This is not the end. This life is, in fact, only the Shadowlands, as C.S. Lewis called it, where we prepare for true Life.

Lessons on Mourning from the Word

  • Mourning and grief are an integral part of this fallen world, with the inevitability of death. I am always touched by the tears Jesus shed upon the death of his friend Lazarus. Surely he, who promised eternal life and indeed was LIFE, knew the end of the story. Still, he understood pain. At the same time, he showed there could be victory over death when he raised Lazarus from the dead… a foretaste of his own more permanent resurrection.
  • Two people in mourning or grieving on a couch in a living room

 

 

  • God is with us in the process, and can show us “the light at the end of the tunnel”. Much as there may seem to be no end to our pain, there is hope:

 

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
    You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,”

 

  • The “nighttime” is real; the weeping should be allowed to wash the soul. There is a “morning” ahead:

 

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

  • It is natural to mourn, and it is a time in which our presence is most needed… much more than words. Even crying with them is identifying with their loss.

 

Mourn with those who mourn”.

 

  • Those of us who are people of faith do not make light of grief, much as we hold a hope beyond this life’s sorrow.

       “Godly men… mourned deeply for him.”

 

The day of the funeral, I was able to catch a glimpse of the light beyond the grave. In the days following, there have been tears, often at unexpected times. Friends have been a strength, as has been God’s Word. Joy is not a stranger, however, and is richer now that it can be sensed in counterpoint to the grief.

May you who mourn… find there is “joy in the morning”!

Spring in Narnia… Will it Ever Come?

Snow in April… and even up through April 20! This year, jokes and groans abounded in northern climes as March 21 came and went with no sign of what is known of as spring. Easter, for some, meant Easter egg hunts in the snow.

Those who still hoped for its arrival felt like unrealistic dreamers. My son in Canada posted sarcastic comments about the joys of yet another snow-shoveling adventure ahead as he repeated the mantra, “It’s spring!” I had hoped that upon my April visit such weather would be long gone.

Not a few fellow-sufferers made reference to living in Narnia, where “it’s always winter but never Christmas”, as lamented Mr. Tumnus, of C.S. Lewis’s classic “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”.

Close-up of a lion staring off into the distance with rocks in the background

In Narnia it had been winter for “ever so long” since it had been under the spell cast by the wicked White Witch. The beloved lion and “true King” Aslan had been banned from its territory and his followers were constantly at risk. As his return was hastened, the dripping of melting snow increased as a sign of the coming “spring at last”.

On April 21—a month after “spring” was official– sunny skies returned to Quebec after what seemed like “ever so long”, blue interspersed with clouds. Today, one day later, the sun was truly in control of glorious cloudless skies. The clumps of snow remaining in yards and roadways have gradually begun to melt away. The weather beckoned us to walk; even without gloves, we could feel the blood still warming our fingertips.

Soon, everyone hopes against hope, buds will swell on the tips of trees. Cheerful crocuses, like the handful that surprised us today, with their purples and whites, will push through the ground. Spring rain will further soften the earth to make way for what should be reality: “April showers bring May flowers”.

In church today, this message suggested by nature was echoed by the worship leader, who reminded us that as Christians we are those who ever hope for Spring: for God’s total redemption, for Christ’s second coming, for the final defeat of sin and evil. Of course, we know they were defeated on the Cross, although their presence was not yet banned.

Earth has been under the spell of the Evil One ever since the Fall. The initial blow was dealt with Christ’s coming, but we look forward to the final victory.

Spring is coming.

King Aslan is coming…

Christ is coming!

California: Am I in the US?

Years ago, an international event found me in Anaheim, California and one day I went sight-seeing with my colleagues from Mexico, where I live. We had lunch at a Chinese restaurant/ cafeteria, where we selected items before paying. I was the last one from my group in line, and was flabbergasted when the Chinese cashier spoke to me in Spanish. Obviously, despite my very Anglo-Saxon looks, she realized I was with the Mexicans and was well-prepared to attend us. It was then that I realized how important Spanish was in California.

Recently, family connections have brought me to southern California again. It’s easy to forget I’m in the States when every other person seems to be speaking Spanish. Amazingly, Hispanics now make up 39% of the state’s population (Texas comes in a close second place with 38%) and Spanish is the second most spoken language.  Continue reading

What’s your Word of the Year? Mine is “Brave”

It seemed to happen all of a sudden, that on social media people were talking about choosing their word of the year, to guide them as they faced the near future. That clicked with me, simpler than going for resolutions or goals that ended up in the dust.

Then I came across a short online quiz to help you decide on “your word of truth” after asking you several questions. There were multiple-choice answers, which didn’t excite me, but in the end the word I chose was “Brave”.

Continue reading

Understanding Mexican Courtesy or “Buena Educación”

 

When I was in Spain a few years ago, it shocked me to find a server treating us somewhat rudely, until I remembered a friend once telling us “you almost have to use swear words to get a waiter’s attention in Spain!” What?  Then other contacts have confirmed that Spaniards tend to be very direct and in-your-face, often appearing offensive to courteous Latin Americans.

It has occurred to me that, as Mexican culture is a fusion of Spanish and indigenous influence, perhaps its emphasis on extreme politeness and “doing the right thing” is more related to its indigenous roots after all! It is commonly called “buena educación”, which is a bit more all-encompassing than “good manners”. It has to do with being a decent person, or as Paul Yeatman says, having “good upbringing”. Among other things, he says, “Personal hygiene and courtesy are of primary importance, from the look of the fingernails to table manners to the rituals of politeness”. Continue reading

Learning from the Grandkids

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Folding up the hide-a-bed, I find a Nerf bullet or two,. The other day there was one in my purse. No doubt about it, I’m visiting the grandkids! Evenings, there is likely to be a Nerf-gun battle, sometimes with special masks and all. It’s quite a turnabout from my normal, solitary life. Time to learn…

Living at a distance from both sets of grandkids (after once having them all in the same city as me), I’ve adapted to a “kidless” life It’s all too easy to get wrapped up in my activities, my reading, my writing and social media. A visit to one set of grands has meant exercising a degree of self-control to avoid being overly wrapped up in those habits. Time to set aside the phone, the laptop, the book… and interact with those entertaining little “teachers”.

Just as parenting is a constant learning curve as we adapt to children and seek to be sensitive to their needs and intuition, grandparenting is as well… perhaps relearning some lessons after years of dormancy.

Seize the Moment

I’m constantly needing to learn this one. Yesterday, the rains made me feel like hunkering down in our “cave” for the day. No, I was in charge, and the grandkids needed more stimulation that that. So, time to hit the library! The one nearby is quite small, just one big room, but it has a variety of reading items, even some in other languages. There’s even coloring materials for those who are so inclined. There are computers, some of them marked for kids only, but we needed to get away from screens for a while!

Today, the sky has cleared unexpectedly after a rainy day. California spring is around the corner. A few of the leafless trees are showing signs of new life, one even showing forth red leaves, a gay contrast against the oh-so-blue sky. Not to be wasted spending too much time inside. What’s there to do? Easy… hit the trail to enjoy nature and more!

Sometimes we hike down the trail that runs by our department complex in several directions; today the kids grabbed their scooters for a change. There are several parks within walking distance. It’s always a learning experience as we observe the flora and fauna that cross our path. It’s bonding time too, whether chatting or enjoying a playground together.

A child lying on the ground under a thick layer of autumn leaves

Break the Sameness

Middle-age adults find it especially easy to fall into the rut of habit. Grandchildren motivate us to try something new, or at least break out of “life as usual” for a while.

When I’m with the grandkids, one of them is bound to want to do some baking with me, and I’ve more inspiration to do so than when I’m on my own.

Not much time goes by without someone wanting to play a board game; we even started to learn a new one this week.

Today we “lost an hour” with Daylight Savings Time arriving, so it was harder to get to church on time. That’s okay! I suggested we “do church” at home and everyone participated a bit. My granddaughter even thought of a craft to end with, based on the day’s lesson… which was inspired by last night’s movie, The Prince of Egypt.

Above all, much as we complain about how young ‘uns are overly connected to cell phones, videos and such, I realize it’s often up to us adults to offer options. As long as we’re busy with our stuff, they are likely to get bored. If I suggest an activity, there may be someone who groans, but as a rule they are perfectly willing to break out of the sameness and join me for something different.

Learn Interesting Facts

Children are bombarded with information these days, but it’s not all entertainment. The six-year-old just informed me that wolves have 42 teeth. Asked where he learned that, he replied simply: “Researching!” He goes to a Montessori school where he finds information on his own and writes answers to questions. Another day I was astounded at how much he knew about the location of certain states, more than his older siblings.

Kids (and of course grandkids) are “sponges”, always learning. Their curiosity and discovery of new  facts can spark in us that freshness, too.

A young woman smiling while looking at a smartphone

Learn New Skills

Nowadays, there are so many gadgets that weren’t around when we were growing up. Many of them have to do with technology. I’m certainly not the only grandparent who gets the younger generation to teach her to use apps on the cellphone, or ask “Alexa” for information or even a favorite song. My grandkids have more time than adults to show me something, patiently.

A person holding two donuts outside.

 

Be Generous

Little kids are famous for being selfish, but even they can surprise us at times. As they grow up, some show more generosity than others. One of my grandsons is good at checking out bargains, and found donuts on sale for 79 cents a box. He bought two boxes and shared with the rest of us, no problem. This is no exception, but happens a lot. A young teen, he even invited me to have something at Starbucks when he got a gift card! I’m sure I’m not the only adult who sometimes hides goodies to keep them from the kids, so that’s one kid who has something to teach me.

Share Good Grief

Being with the grandkids has helped me to grieve in a healthy way, remembering those little details about their granddad, whoe passed away just months ago. One day we were crossing the street and one of them bunched up some of his brother’s sweatshirt to cross the street. “That’s the way Pa used to do it.” When we were in a park, I picked up an empty can of soda to discard later, and was reminded, “Pa used to pick up garbage, too.” Hardly a day goes by without some memory coming up,.

A proper life is one where we are constantly learning, and having grandchildren be among those who teach us is a blessing!

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